1. What exactly is in the bottle?

100% premium, alcohol-free grape juice. Zero booze, zero European Cups. Just pure, unadulterated North London bitterness ready to be poured into a glass.

2. Why grape juice and not actual wine?

Because Arsenal don’t have the bottle for anything stronger. Plus, we needed the liquid to reflect their squad: looks fantastic on the outside, but lacks real punch when it actually matters.

3. Does the bottle come with a real trophy?

No. We wanted to keep the Arsenal fan experience as authentic as humanly possible.

4. How should I serve Quad Juice?

Best served ice-cold, ideally in late April or early May right as the title race officially slips through their fingers.

5. What is the complimentary sparkler for?

To light up your living room when the opposition scores from a quick counter-attack while Arsenal’s entire backline is still camped in the other penalty box waiting for a corner.

6. Is the juice vegan?

Yes. No animals were harmed in the making of this product, only the delicate feelings of men who host Arsenal fan channels on YouTube.

7. Can I send this directly to my delusional Arsenal mate?

Absolutely. Just enter their shipping address at checkout. We highly recommend utilizing the gift note section to add a personal touch, like, “Trust the process,” or “Next year is your year, bro.”

8. Do you deliver directly to the Emirates Stadium?

We tried, but our delivery drivers couldn’t get past the 11 men parked inside the six-yard box.

9. What happens if Arsenal actually win a major trophy?

We’ll cross that bridge when pigs fly, hell freezes over, and Bukayo Saka successfully takes a throw-in without holding the ball behind his head for 45 seconds. (But honestly, if it happens, just drink it to ease your own pain).

10. Is there a discount for bulk orders?

Buying for your whole Sunday League WhatsApp group? Contact us. We offer a special “City 115” discount—don’t ask how the accounting works, our lawyers are handling it.

11. How long does delivery take?

2-3 working days in the UK. Mathematically, that is significantly faster than it takes for an Arsenal title charge to completely unravel.

12. Can I get a refund if the bottle arrives broken?

Yes. If your bottle breaks in transit, we will replace it free of charge. However, if your mate breaks down in tears after receiving it, that just means the product is working perfectly. No refunds for emotional damage.

13. My Arsenal mate says this product is a “disgrace.” Who can he complain to?

He can draft a formal, furiously-worded letter to the PGMOL. They’ll issue an official apology within 48 hours, but it won’t change the outcome.

14. Are you going to release a Spurs version?

It’s currently in R&D. But manufacturing an entirely empty bottle and charging £60 just to look at it is proving difficult for our supply chain.

15. Does Quad Juice have an expiration date?

Unlike Arsenal’s quadruple hopes (which expire in February), Quad Juice has a very long shelf life. You can safely keep it in the cupboard for next season’s inevitable collapse.

16. Can I use the bottle to practice my set-pieces?

Yes. Just place it on the penalty spot, take 14 deep breaths, wipe it down with a bespoke towel, and then punt it straight at the nearest defender.

17. Will drinking this make my hairline recede like Gabriel’s?

We cannot legally guarantee the safety of your follicles. Drink responsibly and perhaps invest in a trip to Turkey just in case.

18. Is this officially licensed by Arsenal Football Club?

Do you honestly think Mikel Arteta has the sense of humor required to approve this? We are entirely unofficial, legally distinct, and incredibly unapologetic.

19. I live outside the UK. Will customs seize this?

International shipping is £4.99. Customs usually lets it right through because border agents, regardless of nationality, also enjoy a good laugh at Arsenal’s expense.

20. What if I drink it all and want more?

Just wait until next season. The bottling cycle always repeats itself. We’ll be here.